Friday, October 9, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Unrealistic expectations
I thought Bolivia would magically solve all my problems.
Concerning God. I thought that being in a place thousands of miles away from familiarity would force me to rely on Him. I have learned to get along just fine without much help from Him.
Concerning discipline. I thought that since all my classes were in another language, that it would force me to study harder. I have learned to procrastinate and slack just as much as I did at Southern. I thought that all the strict rules would somehow mold me into a structured, more adaptable person. I have learned to resist the rules. I despise my lack of freedom. I hate being treated like I'm 12. I don't like how the deans are suspicious of me-like all American girls like to go out and get drunk every night or something. Getting up at 5 every morning for worship still sucks as much as it did before. And don't even get me started on food.
Concerning amenities. I thought that doing without the things I took for granted would make me independent. It only makes me hate washing my clothes by hand and buying my own toilet paper.
Concerning the people. I thought I would have a blasty blast "discovering my heritage". I have become irritated with my classmate's naivety. It annoys me how the smallest things seem to excite them. Since I am taking 1st semester classes (I'm still learning the language) I am stuck with people straight out of high school. And even then, I am one of the youngest in the class.
Concerning myself. I thought this experience would make me braver. I've never been so scared in my life.
I thought that I would become a better person by being here. Instead, I have only discovered more faults. I know that change doesn't come overnight. But I am certainly not even close to being on that road. I wanted to become selfless. Instead, I only do things if there is something in it for me. I thought that here I would have some sort of epiphany of what I wanted to do with my life. Instead I am stuck in the same rut of self-doubt and frustration. I thought that my spanish would dramatically improve. I find myself still stumbling over past-tense verbs.
Don't get me wrong. I don't hate being here. I wanted this. I needed an escape. I had things to find, goals to reach. But right now it feels like I'm not getting anywhere. I need to get off my butt and do something.
Concerning God. I thought that being in a place thousands of miles away from familiarity would force me to rely on Him. I have learned to get along just fine without much help from Him.
Concerning discipline. I thought that since all my classes were in another language, that it would force me to study harder. I have learned to procrastinate and slack just as much as I did at Southern. I thought that all the strict rules would somehow mold me into a structured, more adaptable person. I have learned to resist the rules. I despise my lack of freedom. I hate being treated like I'm 12. I don't like how the deans are suspicious of me-like all American girls like to go out and get drunk every night or something. Getting up at 5 every morning for worship still sucks as much as it did before. And don't even get me started on food.
Concerning amenities. I thought that doing without the things I took for granted would make me independent. It only makes me hate washing my clothes by hand and buying my own toilet paper.
Concerning the people. I thought I would have a blasty blast "discovering my heritage". I have become irritated with my classmate's naivety. It annoys me how the smallest things seem to excite them. Since I am taking 1st semester classes (I'm still learning the language) I am stuck with people straight out of high school. And even then, I am one of the youngest in the class.
Concerning myself. I thought this experience would make me braver. I've never been so scared in my life.
I thought that I would become a better person by being here. Instead, I have only discovered more faults. I know that change doesn't come overnight. But I am certainly not even close to being on that road. I wanted to become selfless. Instead, I only do things if there is something in it for me. I thought that here I would have some sort of epiphany of what I wanted to do with my life. Instead I am stuck in the same rut of self-doubt and frustration. I thought that my spanish would dramatically improve. I find myself still stumbling over past-tense verbs.
Don't get me wrong. I don't hate being here. I wanted this. I needed an escape. I had things to find, goals to reach. But right now it feels like I'm not getting anywhere. I need to get off my butt and do something.
Tormenta
These people act like they've never seen a storm before. There must be about 10 girls huddled around the entrance to the dorm just peering out the window. The deans aren't letting anybody leave because of the "danger." Sucks for me, I wanted to go to "grupo pequeño." I can't really blame them though, seeing as it hardly ever rains here, let alone storm. I on the other hand, love thunderstorms. Which is kinda weird because I used to be terrified of them when I was a kid. Hmm, don't really know what happened there.
Today was kinda frustrating. As I've mentioned before, I am on a restricted diet. It's pretty hard because the food here sucks as it is and now I'm having to pick and choose what I can eat. They don't have a lot of food options (we have rice at least twice a day, literally). Pretty much, all I can eat is bread, crackers, rice, fruit juice (with purified water), beans, and cooked carrots and beets when they have it. I am so sick of this! It was bad enough getting used to the food before, now it's even worse. I think breakfast is the hardest for me. I always wake up starving in the mornings and I arrive only to find...restrictions. I can't have the hot cereal because ít's made with milk. I can't have yogurt. No raw fruit (it's not like they're gonna cook the fruit just for me). No dry cereal because it's made from toasted seeds and could still be possibly contaminated with some sort of nastiness. No soy milk. So what, you may ask, do I eat at breakfast? Well today it was two little sandwiches (they don't have condiments here either) made with gluten-and that was only after I picked out the remnants of egg. Oh and "coffee" which really isn't coffee, it's kind of like the Bolivian version of Roma. Ugh. So you get the picture. Ok happy thoughts now...
Today I also starred in a segment for this month's mission spotlight.
Today was kinda frustrating. As I've mentioned before, I am on a restricted diet. It's pretty hard because the food here sucks as it is and now I'm having to pick and choose what I can eat. They don't have a lot of food options (we have rice at least twice a day, literally). Pretty much, all I can eat is bread, crackers, rice, fruit juice (with purified water), beans, and cooked carrots and beets when they have it. I am so sick of this! It was bad enough getting used to the food before, now it's even worse. I think breakfast is the hardest for me. I always wake up starving in the mornings and I arrive only to find...restrictions. I can't have the hot cereal because ít's made with milk. I can't have yogurt. No raw fruit (it's not like they're gonna cook the fruit just for me). No dry cereal because it's made from toasted seeds and could still be possibly contaminated with some sort of nastiness. No soy milk. So what, you may ask, do I eat at breakfast? Well today it was two little sandwiches (they don't have condiments here either) made with gluten-and that was only after I picked out the remnants of egg. Oh and "coffee" which really isn't coffee, it's kind of like the Bolivian version of Roma. Ugh. So you get the picture. Ok happy thoughts now...
Today I also starred in a segment for this month's mission spotlight.
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