When it come to some things in life

Don't think. Just do.

I feel terrible

I just wish people could understand. I almost feel guilted into believing in God. It hurts, because I'm hurting people I love. People who think they have failed as a parent...I don't know what to do, I don't know what I believe. I know why I don't  believe though. I keep second guessing myself. Maybe they're right. Maybe I am choosing not to believe. Maybe I'm purposefully ignoring God. Maybe I don't want to believe. I JUST DON'T KNOW. I feel terrible and guilty but I just can't comply. That would be fake and if there's something that I don't ever want to be, it's to be a hypocrite. If I believe in something, I want to believe with all my heart. And right now, I just can't do that.

Dear Bolivia

You have been rough on me. Typhoid, parasites, anxiety. There were times when I had never felt so alone. You taught me to be honest with myself, to deal with my problems, and after 10 years, I am. I have grown. I came here, a directionless insecure teenage girl and now I'm leaving a stronger and wiser person.

I came with many goals: learn spanish, meet family I had never met before, travel south america, learn soccer, find myself, find God...

I learned spanish, met my family, traveled Brasil, Bolivia and Peru. I found myself. I know who I am and what I want. I have an understanding of how past events influence who I am, and why I think the way I do. I still have doubts about God and I still have trouble believing and having faith, but what's more important is that I came to terms with my past and started to heal. Baby steps. The rest will come in time.

You have shown me the ugly side of life. Poverty. Corruption. Ignorance. Prejudice. Inequality. You made me a little less selfish. To appreciate more and want less. To work hard for everything that I want because not everybody has the opportunities that I do. To not take a single thing for granted. Sounds cliche, but so so true.

Yes Bolivia, you have changed me. It's been a long road, but at the same time, time has flown. Tomorrow I will be in America.

I will never forget my experiences here and the lessons you have taught me.

Thank you.

Tomorrow

I'm going home. Bolivia, you have been good for me.

Things I miss about America
1. family
2. taco bell
3. fast internet
4. english
5. boys
6. SUMMER
7. the fact that it's home
8. DRIVING
9. democracy
10. equality
11. open mindedness
12. my comfy bed
13. AC and heating
14. being able to flush tp
15. drinking tap water
16. eating salad
17. the gym



Things I will miss about Bolivia
1. the few close, real friends I have made
2. the diverse beauty
3. Cochabamba
4. memories
5. Sucre
6. how cheap everything is!
7. the rugged mountains
8. no age for...well anything
9. the fact that I'm not in a different country
10. family
11. running in high altitude
12. the laid back attitude about everything
13. seeing the hippies roam about
14. bus rides through the bolivian countryside