Bad butterflies

I allowed myself to cry tonight.

Ok, sob.

I'm leaving for South America tomorrow and I'm going to miss my family so much. It was absolutely wonderful being able to come back for Christmas and see everyone and be in my country, my home. I can't even describe the feeling I got when I saw Miami from the sky. America.

My head hurts. My brain is tired of thinking.

I leave tomorrow

I'm going to miss America. and my family. and friends. But most of all, I DON'T WANNA GET ON A PLANE!!!! I cannot stress this enough. I am so nervous/anxious/scared right now.

Call me a nerd, but this is some good writing

"Where does it come from? This quest, this need to solve life's mysteries...when the simplest of questions can never be answered. Why are we here? What is a soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we'd be better off not looking at all. Not delving. Not yearning. But that's not human nature, not the human heart. That is not why we are here. Yet we still struggle to make a difference, to change the world, to dream of hope..."

-Saresh

Sums up how I feel about life right now

I'm waiting for my moment to come
I'm waiting for the movie to begin
I'm waiting for a revelation
I'm waiting for someone to count me in

...the map of my world gets smaller as I sit here...

-keane "spiralling"

preach it sista

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojdbDYahiCQ

That doesn't happen everyday

I walked into Subway today after working out at the Y, and as I was getting my sandwich, the lady that worked there asked me, "you're not wearing any makeup are you?" "um, no..." I said carefully. "Cuz you're really pretty!" she said.

maybe it's shallow. but it brought a smile to my face.

Careers

I want to devote the rest of my life to helping others.

new year's resolutions

follow this verse: Jer. 29:13
limit social networking sites to 1 hr. a day

If I had known what I know now

I would tell myself:

Shutup and listen.

Worrying about things that cannot be controlled by you really doesn't help anything. All it really does is make you feel like crap. Bottom line: try not to worry so much!

Don't care too much about what other people think/say.

Don't be so trusting.

Choose wisely.

Don't allow yourself to become too emotionally attached too soon.

You are a beautiful, funny, intelligent, honest, newly opinionated, creative, sincere, caring person and if someone doesn't appreciate/acknowledge/support that then they don't deserve to be in your life. DON'T LET THE HATERS BRING YOU DOWN. They're the ones missin out.

Oh, and don't cry over them, it gives you a horrible headache anyway.

Allow one chance. If it happens again. Run. Run far far away, without looking back. Staying is foolish.

Do what you want.

As much as you hate it, a little organization/structure never hurt anyone.

Forgiveness doesn't get any easier.

I'm still unsure about what I wanna do with my life, but at least I know what I DON'T wanna do.

Time is precious. Don't waste it.

Kids are awesome. Thank you summer camp.

I can't stress this enough, you are an amazing person...not to mention funny as hell!

Choose Bolivia, it will change your life.

Opposites may attract, but in the end you will bite each other's heads off. Not worth it.

You will learn to appreciate your family more.

You will develop a liking to spicy foods.

You are so much braver than you give yourself credit for.

Beauty is only skin deep. It's the inside that counts. Cliche, but so very true.
Get off your butt and stop lazying around you bum!

Don't be afraid to question your beliefs. It's okay to have doubts.

Whatever problem your facing, don't think the world is going to end you little drama queen. The world didn't end. It still hasn't ended. And it will continue to not end.   

"If you're lost and feel alone, circumnavigate the globe."  -Coldplay

:)

This was messy, and i didn't seem to mind...at first

I just can't get enough of this song!

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened

If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself

If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and

If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much



Ooh this could be messy

But you don't seem to mind

Ooh don't go telling everybody

And overlook this supposed crime



We'll fast forward to a few years later

And no one knows except the both of us

And I have honored your request for silence

And you've washed your hands clean of this



You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me

You're kind of my protege and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me

I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian

I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it



Ooh this could get messy

But you don't seem to mind

Ooh don't go telling everybody

And overlook this supposed crime



We'll fast forward to a few years later

And no one knows except the both of us

And I have honored your request for silence

And you've washed your hands clean of this



what part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?

what part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?

what with this distance it seems so obvious?



Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family

We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse

I wish I could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly

I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body



Ooh this could be messy and

Ooh I don't seem to mind

Ooh don't go telling everybody

And overlook this supposed crime

"I hate. you hate. I hate. you love me. I hate everything about you."


dammit!

Change of plans

Instead of leaving for Brazil tomorrow afternoon as originally planned, my flight has been postponed until January 26 because I am a slacker and did not take care of all the Visa stuff in time.

I am mentally kicking myself in the pants over this.

On a brighter note, I went sledding with my brother Eli and attempted to make home videos with my brothers and their friends...they are slackers too cuz we didn't get anything accomplished :) I think they get it from me...

DON'T CRY FOR ME BRAZIL! I WILL BE THERE SOON ENOUGH!

Figuring it out

I am attracted to what I don't understand.

Beckoning

I've been in America for about two weeks now. It took a couple days for it to actually settle in that I was out of Bolivia. It took me so long to adapt to living in Bolivia and then suddenly I was back. Very weird feeling. When I'm in Bolivia, I feel a million miles away. I feel so detached. Like I'm on a different planet. And in a way, I am. It's a third world country, the poorest in South America. I can't drink the water, eat raw foods, or flush tp down the toilet. People drive crazily. I don't have many friends. Not too long ago, a friend in the Army told me that he felt like the whole world was moving on without him. In a way, I feel the same. I feel as if everyone moves on without me and I am detached in a place that feels lightyears from home. Home. What is home anyway? Right now, I am sitting in my bed, in my house in Nashville, Tn. But where will home be next week when I am once again, in South America?

I have mixed feelings. I love this and fear this at the same time. I have loved discovering my roots in Bolivia. I have changed so much in the 5 months that I have been there. It hasn't been easy. I got very sick. Learning the language was harder than I thought it would be. I've seen an ugly side of people I hadn't really noticed before. I despise the rules of the university that I attend. I often feel misunderstood and very, very alone. I've never cried so much. I've never been so rebellious. I've never been homesick. I've never appreciated my family as much as I do now. I've never doubted God's very existence.

But somehow, amidst all this, Bolivia...South America beckons. I am not done learning. It has been absolutely wonderful being home with my family but it's time for me to go back. I am not finished. I have a lot yet to accomplish. I'm not done growing.

Perfect Christmas

I haven't written in a very long time. After classes got out for summer break Dec. 5, (remember the seasons are reversed in s. america) I went to La Paz, to stay with my grandmother. My original plans were to stay there over Christmas and New Year's, travel to Chile, and then head over to Brazil to stay with my relatives who live in Sao Paulo.

About a week before Christmas, my plans changed slightly and the next thing I knew, I was on a plane headed to the United States of America to surprise my family for Christmas. It was my first time flying by myself, but at approx. 1:30 am Christmas morning there I was on my doorstep ringing the doorbell like a madwoman. Naturally, the whole family was asleep. So, I just had to wake them up! And as usual, in a dramatic way. "Wake up everyone! It's Christmas!" I yelled as I ran through the house banging on everyone's doors.

Once my family awoke from their slumber and recovered from shock, we sat around the table and talked well into the morning. After this, I crashed. (I think the meds I took to relax on the plane finally hit.)

And that was the best Christmas of my life.