Unrealistic expectations

I thought Bolivia would magically solve all my problems.

Concerning God. I thought that being in a place thousands of miles away from familiarity would force me to rely on Him. I have learned to get along just fine without much help from Him.

Concerning discipline. I thought that since all my classes were in another language, that it would force me to study harder. I have learned to procrastinate and slack just as much as I did at Southern. I thought that all the strict rules would somehow mold me into a structured, more adaptable person. I have learned to resist the rules. I despise my lack of freedom. I hate being treated like I'm 12. I don't like how the deans are suspicious of me-like all American girls like to go out and get drunk every night or something. Getting up at 5 every morning for worship still sucks as much as it did before. And don't even get me started on food.

Concerning amenities. I thought that doing without the things I took for granted would make me independent. It only makes me hate washing my clothes by hand and buying my own toilet paper.

Concerning the people. I thought I would have a blasty blast "discovering my heritage". I have become irritated with my classmate's naivety. It annoys me how the smallest things seem to excite them. Since I am taking 1st semester classes (I'm still learning the language) I am stuck with people straight out of high school. And even then, I am one of the youngest in the class.

Concerning myself. I thought this experience would make me braver. I've never been so scared in my life.
I thought that I would become a better person by being here. Instead, I have only discovered more faults. I know that change doesn't come overnight. But I am certainly not even close to being on that road. I wanted to become selfless. Instead, I only do things if there is something in it for me. I thought that here I would have some sort of epiphany of what I wanted to do with my life. Instead I am stuck in the same rut of self-doubt and frustration. I thought that my spanish would dramatically improve. I find myself still stumbling over past-tense verbs.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate being here. I wanted this. I needed an escape. I had things to find, goals to reach. But right now it feels like I'm not getting anywhere. I need to get off my butt and do something.