Beckoning

I've been in America for about two weeks now. It took a couple days for it to actually settle in that I was out of Bolivia. It took me so long to adapt to living in Bolivia and then suddenly I was back. Very weird feeling. When I'm in Bolivia, I feel a million miles away. I feel so detached. Like I'm on a different planet. And in a way, I am. It's a third world country, the poorest in South America. I can't drink the water, eat raw foods, or flush tp down the toilet. People drive crazily. I don't have many friends. Not too long ago, a friend in the Army told me that he felt like the whole world was moving on without him. In a way, I feel the same. I feel as if everyone moves on without me and I am detached in a place that feels lightyears from home. Home. What is home anyway? Right now, I am sitting in my bed, in my house in Nashville, Tn. But where will home be next week when I am once again, in South America?

I have mixed feelings. I love this and fear this at the same time. I have loved discovering my roots in Bolivia. I have changed so much in the 5 months that I have been there. It hasn't been easy. I got very sick. Learning the language was harder than I thought it would be. I've seen an ugly side of people I hadn't really noticed before. I despise the rules of the university that I attend. I often feel misunderstood and very, very alone. I've never cried so much. I've never been so rebellious. I've never been homesick. I've never appreciated my family as much as I do now. I've never doubted God's very existence.

But somehow, amidst all this, Bolivia...South America beckons. I am not done learning. It has been absolutely wonderful being home with my family but it's time for me to go back. I am not finished. I have a lot yet to accomplish. I'm not done growing.