Okay. I've been here before. It's not fun, but I'm going to talk myself out of this. My heart is beating a little faster and I'm feeling a little bit anxious and jittery. Over what? Well, I found myself thinking about abuse and it's repercussions which then led me to remember all the many times I've had bouts of anxious/panic/worry in my life which in turn made me think that perhaps mental instability runs in my family (paternal grandmother possibly?) which THEN made me paranoid that I'm crazy or susceptible to being crazy. So then, I researched anxiety online which only exacerbated the situation. Good Lord! Am I being overdramatic?
Let's look at the facts and pinpoint this mofo.
-Yes anxiety is common during and after childhood traumas such as abuse which is probably something I should bring up (again) in my next therapy session. Duh. Okay next.
-Yes anxiety can be genetic. Okay...so I'm not 100% sure if my paternal grandmother was crazy or not...but I think she was...maybe. So there's not enough information on this to come to a factual conclusion. Therefore, I should not worry about it because I don't even know for sure if my grandmother was a crazy! I keep telling myself that my fears are unrealistic. But what if they are realistic? What if craziness does run in my family? Then how would I be able to talk myself out of a funk? *Reality check: even if mental instability DID run in the family, people don't just go crazy, it BUILDS which is why I am going to counseling so that I can deal with these kinds of issues so that I can lead a normal freaking life!
-I've been drinking coffee lately. In fact, I had some today. From what I've read, coffee can cause anxiety. Boom.
-I've been procrastinating this weekend. Whenever I leave things till the last minute I get restless and uneasy because well, I have a bunch of stuff to do! So, to fix this I should dive into my homework right now and get as much done as possible (and for future reference stop procrastinating altogether).
-My thoughts can turn obsessive sometimes. It's hard for me to "turn my brain off" until I reach a solution (probably another thing I should bring up to my counselor.) Oh, and apparently this is a characteristic of my personality type according to the Myer's Briggs personality assessment.
-I haven't been running or doing any kind of exercise lately. Running specifically puts me into a better mood.
Okay. So, what can I do right now to snap out of this? When I feel like this, it's hard to think realistically because I am convinced that what I'm feeling is reality and it's hard to distinguish one from the other. < And that just totally sounded like something a crazy person would say! Damn. At least I'm being honest. I still haven't answered my own question though, what can I do to snap out of this?
1.) Think Positive. How hard can this be? I'm a natural optimist! Let's look at some positive happenings in my life: supportive family, good grades and the excitement of Nursing school (though I haven't been accepted yet), umm what else...I have to admit, I haven't been thinking positive lately because there hasn't been much to be feeling positive about. I go to a crappy school, I have no friends, and the weather sucks. On the upside, Andrew Brown is coming next weekend! Also, my friends Jorge and Lori are coming to visit
2.) Stop researching "symptoms of mental illness" on google. This will only exacerbate what I'm feeling not to mention it's totally unrealistic... I mean I could look up symptoms of cancer and could probably identify with half the things on there like fatigue for example (um it's called I stay up late for no reason and that's why I'm tired during the day.)
3.) Do/watch/think funny stuff. The other weekend some friends and I went to this house party thing were they were playing lame music and playing card games. I totally took over and within 20 minutes turned the place into a latin dance party! I didn't care, I was grabbing my friends making them salsa with me (even though I don't salsa, I improvise bitch). And busting out moves that would make Shakira jealous while everyone looked at me with questioning faces probably thinking "who be the white girl?". By the end of the night this one Dominican chick was SLAYING the dougie, the girl could DANCE! She was leading the pack of about 5 others trying to teach themselves how to Dougie but they couldn't keep up with her. hahaha...funny stuff.
Hey look at that, I feel better already! Boy I love reality.
Suck it anxiety!
Suck it.
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