This is Why I am Sad

Because I have no friends here and because I apparently need a social life to be happy.

Because I am bitter and cynical.

Because being let down, disappointed and hurt by people has made me bitter and cynical.

I am sad because I feel that others are moving on, graduating, falling in love, getting engaged and married and I'm not...to any of those things. I am sad because I don't know who I can trust anymore. I am sad because I feel my youthfulness, personality, beauty and character are going to waste with no one here around to appreciate it. I am sad because it seems like no one makes eye contact at my school.

There is a lot of hatred in my heart as a result of others. This also makes me sad. I feel perpetually downtrodden. 

I am tired of getting my hopes up. I am tired of being let down. Thus, the next logical step would be to stop trusting people altogether...right? If I don't have any expectations for others, then I don't get hurt.

I am sad because I can't seem to let go of the past...or rather, I choose not to because it's just "easier" that way.

I hate appearing weak. I mock those who unleash their frustrations in public places such as facebook. But I can see why they do. It's an outlet. I'm tired of being strong all by myself. I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of doing things by myself and I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of dwelling in the past and I'm tired of wallowing in misery because it feels comfortable. 

I went through this phase thinking that if I immersed myself in something, if I poured out my heart and soul into something, like my studies, that I wouldn't need anything else.

Boy was I wrong.