Yoda

Ok. Let's work through this calmly, slowly, and step-by-step. So you're feelin a little anxious, overwhelmed, desperate, confused, and tired to put it roughly. Here's why.

1.) Biology confuses me, I don't get the teacher and I'm freaked because I did poorly on the last test.

2.) Still not over that guy-this is a huge issue actually. That whole "relationship" was the opposite of good and I should have seen the signs and ran. I go between blaming myself and feeling taken advantage of. I wish the whole thing didn't happen. I've wasted so much time/energy/worry/emotion on him. I want the strength to not even go there so I don't get strung along. I want so badly to be strong. Sure, I was strong by eventually ending it but I wasn't when I allowed myself to give in before.

3.) I miss Southern so badly. I miss the environment. I hate Vol State. I don't have any friends here, and I'm a social person! I need people or else I get depressed. Initially I told myself that I could get through this year without making friends because a.) I thought I could and b.) to be blunt, I didn't want to associate myself with a bunch of ignorant rednecks.

4.) I don't know where I stand on some issues. I told myself that since I don't yet have a stance, that I will just try said things out until I reach a conclusion. I'm starting to think this is a bad idea...It's like sometimes I'm fine with it but other times I'm not. I just don't know what to do. Right now though, I feel like one thing in particular would be a bad idea. There are too many ways it can add to the problems in my life. It would be a contradiction because I am in the process of trying to work through them, I don't need any conflicts.

5.) Algebra confuses me. I keep procrastinating on getting a tutor-I don't know why. I think it's just laziness...I am so apprehensive. I feel as though I can somehow make sense of it and figure it out but I KNOW that won't happen. I just need to get a tutor! I need to realize that asking for help is OKAY.

I don't like feeling like this. Like mini panic/anxiety attacks. This wasn't as bad as I've had in Bolivia. I'm glad I'm capable of talking myself out of a full-blown attack but the fact that I'm even feeling this way worries me. I wish I were stronger. I want so badly to be strong and to have complete control over my thoughts and feelings. I wish I were a thinker. But I'm not, and sometimes it's more a curse than a blessing. It's my personality type. I'm an ENFP, and sometimes they struggle with turning their brain off. I overanalyze when I need to rationalize. I just want a hug right now. And some wise words. Where are you when I need you Yoda.