Diary of a Mad White Woman

So, I just got back from wedding #6 (or something like that) this year. Sometimes weddings make me happy, sometimes they make me angry. However by this time, I've really stopped caring. It doesn't even phase me anymore to see more and more people my age getting engaged etc. At first it was like, "whoah, these kids are getting married...is this something I should be working on?! I don't even have a boyfriend!." But now I just realize that I'm just not that person.

I've never been the girl who's been planning their wedding since age 6.

I've never been the girl with a steady flow of boyfriends. In fact, I have only had one official boyfriend, and it was in high school. So, essentially I've never been in a serious relationship.

I pride myself on my independence. I don't need other people to survive. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge social butterfly, I love getting together with friends, and I can talk your ear off. But I like to do things by myself, my own way, without anyone's approval.

Yes, I am independent. But what a lot of people don't know is that I'm also bitter. Wow, that took a little courage to write. I've had my fair share of heartbreak and to be completely honest, I haven't had one "happy" relationship.

Not one.

They've all turned out badly. I've had dudes leave me for the Army, I've had dudes lead me on and then "oh, you didn't actually want a relationship did you?", I've dated dudes where everything was nice and dandy and then one day they just stopped talking to me (seriously? where are your balls?). And in every single situation, the guy ends up with a new girlfriend while I remain alone still heartbroken. I wish I were exaggerating.

So I don't really know where I'm going with this rant but for right now I'll conclude with this. Fuck you and your cutesy little couple pictures where you're standing in the middle of some field catching the last rays of a summer afternoon. Fuck your little love notes (or whatever you kids do these days) and your inside jokes. Fuck your fun-filled date nights. Fuck your engagements because you're young and stupid and probably not going to last. Fuck the next person who asks me whether "my special day" is coming up and double fuck you if they react with a "that long?" when I tell them to ask me again in 6 years (I'm only 21 for goodness sake!) Fuck you and your love bliss bullshit.

I told you I was bitter.